the wedding's done. the gown & veils are put in their bags to the back of the closet. the wedding cake's top tier is in the freezer. the wedding gifts have accumulated. now, we have thank-you or TY cards to do. lots of them.
"thanks for the wonderful gift"..."thank-you for your generous gift"..."we appreciate the beautiful present." thank you for this. thanks for that. after awhile, writing these words in various, unique ways for over a hundred wedding gift-givers, they all become the same: the individual handwritten notes, the numerous boxes of thank-you cards, the numerous stamps bought. then it becomes redundant, impersonal, and--let's be honest--a pain. that's when we newlyweds forget an important basis of each thank-you card: humble & genuine gratitude.
let me tell you how MZ & i kept it as our primary goal (being grateful), even more important than buying expensive stationery or getting those fancy-schansy "wedding stamps" from the post office.
weeks before our wedding day, we started receiving wedding gifts, shipped either to my home in sT. LouiS or MZ' flat in aleXandRia, vA. most of the gifts were sent to me and so we opened them together via gChaT video. during these months, we kept close tabs of who gave & what was given (brides: take careful not of unique aspects of the gift to mention in your card). we hand-wrote each of our TY cards on beautifully-embossed cards & sent them quickly after we received the gifts (another note: timely TY cards are good). we wanted to stay on top of our "gratitude notes" so that everyone who gave--whether they could attend the wedding or not--would know their kindness was noted & kindly received. i realized how important this was after attending numerous bridal showers and weddings.
i'm not a fan of the pre-made, preprinted TY cards that are out there. i made an effort to look at registries, pick out gifts, pay for them, & ship or bring them to the wedding or shower. i remembered how i felt when i got those pre-printed cards: impersonal, unnoticed, & unappreciated. what those pre-made typed cards said to me was "thanks for giving the gift but i didn't have time to write that on a piece of paper addressing you or the gift." but when the bride or groom took the time to write me something in their perfect cursive or chicken-scratch, it made me feel noticed. that MY gift got their attention, irregardless if they liked it or not. they were grateful. and as a past wedding guest and shower attendee, that means a lot.
i understand, everyone's busy & things can get hairy especially before, during, & after the wedding is done. i get it; but making time to simply write out a personal note--even if its barely legible--tells the gift-giver that you cared enough to do just that: write their name and your gratitude. you may not have said "thank you" a million times over in your card to them, but the receiver gets the point: in your own words, you are grateful. and how about those wedding couples who never bothered to send TY cards/notes? don't get me started on what that construes: carelessness, thoughtlessness, & definitely ingratitude for the gift. it's happened to me before & trust me: they shouldn't be expecting a baby shower gift. my tolerance for "i'm-too-busy-to-say-thanks" mentality is very low & that goes for weddings as well.
bride & groom please note: "never underestimate the power of a hand-written note."
all because of a dating site IM, star treK movie, & a plane ticket to sT. louiS, i married my best friend, MZ...TWICE. why, yes, i have two anniversaries. nothing better than that, except having to remember more dates. and we thought it was only a "guy thing."
the husband (MZ) & i met almost 2 years ago while we both lived in the waShingtoN, dC area. nothing too dramatic at the beginning. it was only suppose to be another one of those killing-me-slowly-kind-of-online-dating first dates. it was memorial day weekend, a humid saturday night, and nothing to do. wanted to see a movie but wasn't so sure if i wanted to go alone. soooo, i had this online dating profile (won't tell you which dating site, becuz i'd need to get paid before that happens) and decided to see what was going on. honestly, i was going to read some of the success stories of online dating, in hopes that osmosis would take place and i'd actually meet a great guy. wasn't happening lately. bummer. until i got this IM from this guy (MZ) i had never communicated with on the online site. we bantered with the typical small-talk that happens on dating sites ("how are you?" "what are you up to?" "can we e-mail each other?"). i wasn't too excited at first: maybe it was the fact MZ was 2 years younger than me (i had preferred older guys) or that i was going to cancel my profile on the site or i had the holiday weekend off (i'm in healthcare and it's rare) and nothing to do. all my previous dates from the site had ended-up with any of the following types of men: desperate boys, womanizers, whiners, sex-addicts, or non-committers. i was over it when MZ had IM'd me. within 5 minutes, i gave him my number (side note: never, ever do, ladies!) and we talked for another 15 on the phone. in under an hour, we met at the movie theater to see "star trek" the movie. not an ideal 1st date, but it worked.
we dated for a year...then it ended. abruptly. i could tell you all the not-so-pleasant things that happened to cause it to end, but i won't. it just wasn't pleasant. then i moved away late last summer from the eastern seaboard and started graduate school in sainT LouiS. i had begun seeing someone else during the summer in dC and continued the relationship long-distance when i moved to the miDwesT; but it got rocky soon after i moved. it just wasn't going to work out. it was going to end but i wasn't exactly sure how i was going to do it or how i was going to cope with another break-up: TWO failed relationships in 2010. i was over getting hurt or being sad. so i did the next best thing: i ignored and avoided the impending future, so i stayed in the relationship. call me pathetic, but i just wanted to make it to 1.1.11 without everyone who saw my love life as an epic failure in adult relationships. i just wanted to survive the year out and then make the decision to end it later.
since MZ & i had such a bitter break-up, we had not communicated to each other for months. he had no idea where i was at. then sepTemBer rolled around and it was MZ' birthday. so i sent him a two-liner email wishing him a happy birthday and happiness. that was it. MZ emailed & called back (couldn't believe he still had my number), but never got a hold of me till later that week. a 3-hr phone conversation w/ MZ led to him buying a plane ticket to 'the Lou' (what we affectionately call sainT LouiS out here) to see me that weekend. his goal was simple: to win me back. MZ hates flying with a passion. if he could, he would've done the steamboat from the baLtimoRe harBor along the easT coasT, around fLorida, & up the miSSiSSippi RiveR to sT. LouiS if he could. it's amazing he even came (on a plane), fully knowing that i was in a serious relationship with someone else.
again, that ocTobeR weekend was eye-opening. MZ' visit showed what a hard-ass i can be sometimes: i avoided every conversation that involved the former "us" and tried to keep it light and shallow. a total "guy move" from me, but MZ meant business, so he brought it up during a time i couldn't avoid it. let's just say his persistence is admirable (boys, take note) and his sincerity was golden. but i wasn't going to budge: we were never going to get back together. when i took him to the airport, MZ knew that there was no chance for us. ever. until the point i watched him disappear into the sea of people going through TSA checks, i realized my face was wet: i was crying. i didn't realize what those tears meant at the time. but then i figured it out soon after. in less than 2 weeks from that moment, i ended my relationship w/ PouTer (my ex- now). took some time, but MZ & i got back together.
fast forward to now: we got engaged during thankSgivinG weekend last year while visiting my folks out in CaLifoRnia and found my wedding dress the next day. we went through our civil ceremony on my father's birthday in FeBruarY and we had our wedding ceremony on the first day of spring this year. it's been a whirlwind, mind you. but a beautiful tornado at least.
if you had asked me TWO years ago that i would be married (TWICE: the civil then the church) now, i would've said you were smokin' crack. i was satisfied being singleton and "serial dater" for awhile. but now, almost 60 days into it, i've traded in my "miss" status to be a "missus." this, my friends, is my journey into the beautiful unknown...and i'm loving it.
