yelling on the phone does NOT work

chel-chel (L) + ellie (R) in park on beautiful november '11 day

 who the hell said that marriage would be easy??  if they did say that, they're LYING!!  it takes a lot of hard work, consideration, selflessness, patience, and most importantly, plenty of love. LOTS.  i've realized how i'm in no position to be criticizing others on their marriages or failed marriage (i.e., kim kardashian + kris humphries).  you'll get no judgment here, because people don't understand how difficult and challenging marriage can sometimes be, especially if you don't see eye-to-eye on important things.  the 'small stuff' can get to you at times; but it should never be my reason to end things.  i'm prefacing everything that i'm about to say with a fact:  i love my husband, M.  baby, if you're reading this, i hope i'm blowing-up your phone enough to remind of that ultimate fact.  sorry:  you're stuck with me for life, hon.  tough crap.
now, let's talk about this insane month of november.  no matter how you may feel about keanu reeves or charlize theron, i've always loved the sappy movie they did several years ago, sweet november.  >>>made me cry too much the first several times i saw it in the movies, and i dare say, i'm not watching it again because of that.  i've had enough issues and real events to cry about, i don't need to be sappy about the fake ones.  anyways what i was getting at, was that this november blew:  big time blew!  it's been quite an emotional rollercoaster year of 2011, i just thought it didn't get any worse (depending on which vantage point you're seeing this from).  the following are a few of my reasons why:


#1.  my only living grandparent, lolo J, died a week before thanksgiving (see funeral, family & food).  mom, D, & cousin E made an emergency trip back to the philippines for the funeral arrangements & such.  it was too soon for dad after his major cancer surgery to be traveling to a place that's exactly 'sterile.'  with this development of lolo's death and the stress of not being able to be with my family during the bereavement & memorial, i was emotionally wasted.  i had nothing.  i think i was just so 'wasted' from going through the insanity of dad's sickness and surgery, that i didn't have any more reserve of sanity.  so i lost it.  literally.  i was in a lecture when mom called me with the news and i had to excuse myself to answer the call in the hall, where i crumbled to the floor and cried.  i didn't know i had anymore crocodile tears, but apparently i did because in a matter of minutes, my entire face was wet.  i had to leave to go home to be with my dogs (oh yes, that's plural) because that was the only connection i felt to my family away from me (including my husband in the east coast).  stage 1 of the grieving process, denial, hit me hard and fast.  i immediately went headstrong into stage 2 (anger) and blew-up at M on the phone.  i lost my crap so fast over the phone, i don't even remember all the 'spoken vomit' i said (i think i may have said 'divorce' once or twice or thrice), except the meanest thing i've ever said to my husband (will not repeat...EVER!) to which i followed it up with a hang-up.  i think our neighbors upstairs must've thought there was something going on 'domestically' because i was so blatantly loud in our duplex.  i didn't talk to M until well into the next day.  i apparently was still furious enough to go to bed without making-up with him.

• lesson from #1.  don't let the sun set on your anger (it's in the Bible, paraphrased of course.  look it up)

#2.  next thing to be upset about, was the 'split-up' of the family during thanksgiving.  as long as i could remember (except for the 2 thanksgivings i spent in europe.  i vetoed 'family time' for 'ex-boyfriend time' and boy, do i regret those choices), thanksgiving has always been our family's holiday to be together.  eversince i started working in my early twenties, i've always known myself and my family members (being in the clinical world) to work christmas so that we could have thanksgiving and new year's off:  thanksgiving for family and new year's for traveling or partying.  as a family, we always had thanksgiving to look forward too...and black friday.  this year, it would be just the 3 of us:  dad, M + me.  i missed my brothers and mom, but when was i suppose to act like a big girl and suck it up?  crap happens.  no need to be a big baby about it; but i still was.  at least for a split second...or a little bit more.

• lesson from #2.  cherish all moments you share with family.  there might not be a next time in this earth.

#3.  it's hard being a 'new parent' all over again.  i'm referring to puppy-rearing.  i can't tell you how many times (earlier this month), i was so sleep-deprived from ellie's (the then-12-week-old lab puppy) constant barking and pissing and crapping EVERYWHERE!  i thought i was going to lose my mind and sanity all in the same basket; but, i didn't.  i found out that my threshold for barking tolerance can be higher, an ultrasonic bark detector is a must, and abruptly changing foods on a puppy may not be the smartest thing to do.  as the days and weeks went by, ellie + i got use to a particular walk (crapping/pissing) + feeding schedules that would make both of us happier.  or at least, me less sleep-deprived.  i was getting to be an angry 'mother' and crazy wife, functioning on cleaning supply fumes and 2-hour sleeps, if ellie's settling-in period was going to take any longer.  now, she makes some mistakes at times, but she's learning and loves bothering her older 'sibling,' chel-chel.

• lesson from #3.  puppies are wonderful additions to any family.  as long as you have patience, love and lots of paper towels, you'll get by.

mommy's (me) view, walking the girls

#4.  aside from finals this month (december), november is a toilet full of &%*^ when it comes to graduate school:  everything is due!  what the hell happened to mid-terms in october?  i had only one exam in october and for some reason, the professors sensed that november (even with holiday break) would be an ideal time to put down the sledgehammer of homework assignments due.  this is not the teachers' faults.  it was the same way last year and i had different professors then.  i blame the system.  hell, i blame anything now because i'm realizing how much stuff i really had to do.

• lesson from #4.  don't start yelling at your husband if you were the one who procrastinated and decided to do your research, studying, and typing papers last minute.  it's your own frackin' fault.

oh yes, just a number of the reasons why november blew, but i got through it alright:  thanksgiving holiday was nice because i got to spend time with dad and learn how to make vegan meals (see link); my hubby + i made-up because i was finally leaving stage 2 of grieving; and i love ellie just as much as i heart chel-chel (it's a helluva lot).  i just hope december won't be such a b...

HoneyMooN now a reality!

"learn three languages??" M exclaimed and then paused.  "i suppose i'll have to know how to say 'where's the bathroom' and 'i'm lost' in catalan spanish, french and italian."

M + i have finally booked our honeymoon and we are so pumped!  after much deliberation, we have finally settled on a 7-day cruise in europe from spain to italy to france and then back to spain.  we'll fly out from the WashinGton, dC area into BarceLona, sPain.  after spending a day/night there, we board our ship, the NorWeGian EpiC (http://www2.ncl.com/cruise-ship/epic/overview), the next day to start on our journey down to the italian/french riveria and historic cities like NiCe, RomA, and FiRenZe (just to name a few).

7 day w. mediterranean cruise on NorWeGian EpiC (www.ncl.com)

M + i could not do a honeymoon after our wedding in mD back in MaRch because i had to be in class the following day in sT. LouiS.  now, that we've saved our wedding present $$$ and our own savings, we have finally planned our honeymoon that will happen JuNe 2012, after my last yr of grad school.  i've stockpiled travel books for the cities we'll be docking at, including the couple of days we'll be spending in barCeLona.  i do have to brush up on my spanish and have enlisted M to learn the view 'key phrases' to always know in while in that country:  "where's the bathroom?", "how much?", "i'm lost" and "my wife is always right." umm, the last phrase is of my own invention.  :o)  anyways, we're pretty psyched about taking this long-awaited trip and by all accounts, we're thinking that this is a honeymoon of a lifetime.  GO 'Z TEAM'!!

weLcome to Z FamiLia, eLLie!

Ellie Z.  the newest member to our family @ 12 wks old

while in california last week, M + I adopted (more like, 'inherited' from my parents) this gorgeous 12-week-old yellow labrador puppy.  after struggling with names (initially it was 'LJ' to rep the first letters of my parents' names), but then settled with the name 'ellie,' compliments from a trusted family source (grazie, D!).  she's joining her older sister, cheL-cheL, here in our Z household in 'the Lou' this coming WednesDay, via flight.  so if you happen to be in the STL airport on wednesdaY evening and see this adorable cutie-patootie running around in cargo pick-up waiting for me, she's our newest lil' buddy (what M loves to call her).
welcome to our family, ellie!  love, daddy + mommy + 'older sis' chel-chel Z.

HalloWeen tWenTy-eLeVen

"Yo!  Justin's in the HOUSE!!!" someone called out at a HalloWeen house party we attended...i think it was one of the filipino guys dressed as a banged-up maNNy PaCquiao.

during the last week of October, M + I met up in San JoSe (flying in from dC and ‘the LoU, respectively) to visit my parents and youngest bro, D.  M took some extra time off for a 4-day weekend, while i was planning to stay for almost 8 days.  The initial plan for this time period was for me to fly out to dC for the aMericaN PubLic health association (APHA) annual meeting and to extend my trip to spend time with my hubby; but DaD was to have his extensive surgery (see White Elephant blog) during that time and we wanted to be supportive:  emotionally, mentally and physically.  plus, i wanted to make sure the surgery ward nurses were taking awesome care of DaD.  being a nurse myself, that was a priority for me.

M wanted to come out to SJ as well so that we could at least be together for a portion of the time i was off from grad school.  plus, for the last 3 HaLLoWeeNs, we’ve always celebrated together.  such a morbid holiday to mark as milestones in our relationship; but we’ve had some kick-butt costumes in the past:  for the 1^st year we dated, he went as 'me at work' (black wig, eyeliner, and blue scrubs screaming for my sTarbucks green tea latte) and i went as that crazy homicidal japaNese school girl on Kill BiLL, No. 1.  last year, M was a YeTi (a hiMaLayan snow monster, a costume we made) and i was a TiBetaN girl (legitimate attire that i had tailored by legitimate TibetAn refugee women when i lived in NePaL).  

ScaRy YeTi, circa HalloWeen 2010

this year, we had to top whatever we have done in the past, since this was our 1st H-WeeN as a married couple.  you have my permission to continue to laugh at how ridiculous we are with this gothic tradition.  i don't really care, especially since we've had so much fun playing 'dress-up.'

a couple weeks before we were to come to northern CaLi, D thought it would be nice for M + I to take a break from being stressed out at the hospital every day and thinking about cancer, so he invited us to his coworker's H-Ween party the holiday weekend we'd both be in CaLi.  when i told M, there was only one answer:  hells yeah!

the week before HalloWeen weekend, M + I looked online for ideas for possible couple's costumes.  D said that it would be okay if we didn’t dress-up, but really…?  what kind of house guests would we be??  LAME.  so as not to embarrass D (since he was already going-all-out in making his ‘300’ SpArTan costume), M + I racked our brains to figure it out. then, we found it:  jusTin BieBer + tween fan.  perfecto!  we ordered a wig, a JB fan t-shirt, and biEber concert VIP faux passes online and prayed that it would arrive in CA on-time for the party.  the FriDay before the party, M + I visited the local saLvaTion ArMy in SaN JoSe (lucky for us, it was ‘50% off friDaY') and promptly found our bieber-like kicks (for him & i) as well as a crazy purple t-shirt.  cost = $5.00.  then we ventured to the local TarGet to pick up some colorful jelly hair bands and siLLyBanDz look-alikes to complete my costume as a JB tween fan.  it was soooo much fun dressing-up like i was 14 y.o. (i had forgotten, so thank GoD for GooGLe images) and dancing the night away with my bieber-wigged husband, bro, and new friends.  

HaLLoWeen 2011:  JusTin bieBeR + tween fan

everyone's costumes were fabulous:  a lady dressed up as a transvestite prostitute (including 5 o'clock shadow and 'package' outline through her tight skirt); a typical psychiatric patient in the ER (mismatched shoes and histrionic make-up on) and a paramedic escort who brought her in; an EgYpTiaN pharoaH couple; and 'daY of the DeaD' gypsies (looked like a make-up artist did their faces because it was very gothic HOT!).

the H-WeeN weekend flew by too quickly.  but we got to spend some time with the family as well as our own 'alone time.'  M + I took advantage of our 'alone time':  we discovered a new personal favorite sushi joint, cHa cHa SuShi, in siLicon VaLLey (aka SaN JoSe); people-watched from a street bench during halloWeeN night as parents brought their kiddies out to trick'o'treat in NoE VaLLey after having dinner at BarNey's GouRmeT hamBurGers; walked the beach park in aLamEdA isLand in the EasT baY; and drank as much PeeT's coffee we could find.

fun was to be had even for a short while, during a more somber reason for our CaLi visit.  i'm lucky to have M in my life:  he still wants to hold my hand when i'm struggling to keep my '*&%! together' while sitting beside DaD's hospital bed and still manages to make me LOL when busting out some BieBeR moves in his look-alike wig and ridonkulous kicks.  M reminds me of the importance of balance in life:  crap happens to all of us, it's how we deal with it that defines who we are as human beings.  being in a long-distance marriage during a time like this (e.g., school, family sickness) is no walk in the park; but the man in my life continues to give me cuddles when i need it and almost tinkle in my panties because i'm laughing so hard.  me:  "honey??  where's my spare pair?!"  that's marriage.

hanging pictures: epic failure & simple lessons learned

i can be a prick.  i am (sometimes) a nag...and 'bloody difficult.'  i will not lie about that.  especially when it comes to 'type A' duties like, hanging picture frames straight or washing dishes.  case in point, was when M and i were trying to hang our blown-up framed photo of us over our bed.  the picture itself is 24"x28" in dimensions.  include a matte and frame, it's pretty big.  and heavy.  we've been trying to hang this frame for several weeks now, but every time we've tried, one of those 3M won't-damage-your-wall/paint hanging contraptions are set-up, the frame falls onto our queen-size bed after staying on the wall for a max of 2.5 minutes.  utter failure.  i was so frustrated with our past and present attempts of trying to get this picture to hang, i was beyond a basic married woman's nit-picking.  i was asking (wait.  i think it was more of a demand) my husband in a very stern, "loud," voice that i wanted the picture to not be crooked and he "wasn't helping much by standing there."


i'm an utter fool.  M was the smart one to be calm and not lose his crap when the darn frame kept on falling onto our bed.  i, on the other hand, was beside myself.  i felt like there was a tally score with an inanimate object and i was losing:  5:0, picture frame leading.  M just set the frame down next to our bed and cleaned-up quietly.  in a few minutes after my anger dissipated towards M & that frame, i realized how foolish i was being and my kind husband had to remind me of an important lesson:  by his example, i realized i was letting such a stupid thing (e.g., hanging a picture) get the best of me and my cool.  its a wonder how i get passed the frustration of an awful alarm clock sound or too many crazy sT. LouiS drivers or how bad coffee can ruin a day; but 'perfectly' hanging a picture frame would get me so riled-up.  


man oh man, does marriage and M have so much to teach me about being human and realizing that most stuff i fret about IS stupid.  RATS!  i was hoping that i would've gotten the hang of marriage by now.  literally.

weekend reunions & homemade gnocchi

our family @ the beach~summer 2011

this weekend is one of our "visitation weekends":  when our little family can be together for several hours.  67.5 hours, to be exact.  M flies in tomorrow and our doggie (& moi) are so psyched to see him.  plans for go-kart races, Da VinCi machines exhibit, a birthday picnic, homemade meals and tons of TLC.  you now have permission to salivate, thinking about the gnocchi from scratch and the checkered-flag exhilaration on the go-kart lanes.


i'm trying to not be the biggest complainer, but why can't i have these "visitations" happen every day??  i miss my husband and i'm officially doing a countdown until when his plane lands...12.50 hours.  doggie doesn't know it, but she's doing the countdown too.

newlywed wish: morning breath kisses every day

i have a kick-ass husband.  we've been doing this every-two-week-visit schedule while we've been apart (me here in the midWest for studies and he back in DC for work) during my Fall semester of graduate school.  it's not been ideal (i hate the schedule because we don't wake up to each other everyday) but we do the best we can.  in light of everything going on in my own health and Dad's health, M has been my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on, and my tangible fortress.    recently, i had to change my travel plans for the end of the month:  instead of attending a DC conference and seeing M, i am now going to CA to help out my parents during Dad's recovery.  M has also changed his travel plans and scheduled a few days off from work to make that horrific (for him) transcontinental flight from the east coast to the west coast to help out and visit.  he's been the most understanding person in the "madness" i've experienced these past few months.  how the heck did i get lucky with such an amazing and understanding husband?


we've been doing this couples' devotional, Love Dare, on Gchat and its been amazing for our newlywed life together and keeping ourselves strong in our long-distance marriage.  this week's dare has been focused on making sure we do something unexpected and thoughtful for each other. it's kind of hard when we're 800+ miles apart, but we get 'A' for effort.  he's coming to me for an extended weekend visit this week, so we'll make a valiant effort to make-up for lost time apart.  his visits seem so short and quick:  i count hours we have together as a couple (i've labeled 'M time' on my iCal) and try not to cry every time i watch him disappear in the TSA lines at the airport, heading on his flight back to the east coast.


it's been a little over 8 months since we got married.  most of that time has been spent apart because of work/school.  it's not want i've wanted, but i suppose we sacrifice for what we want in the long-run.  i'm the biggest baby when it comes to time apart, while M has tried to be the "manly man" and not complain about it.  but i see it in his eyes:  it blows for him, not having his wifey see him come home every day.  one day, it'll be a reality.  then, we can wake up each day, give each other a good morning kiss and then complain about morning breath.  i wish for those days to come.

long-distance marriage BLOWS!

here we go again.  after a summer of living together as hubby & wifey in dC, we are now (again) subjected to the idea of long-distance marriage. really??!?  it's not the finest idea but it apparently seems the most logical and "best" scenario for us now, as i continue & finish my schooling in the STL.  it's as if we're dating once more yet more complicated:  we still have our marital spats (the usual suspects:  what's the budget, what are we going to do about our "child" a.k.a. doggie during this ordeal, and sometimes about "why didn't you tell me i had a stain on my shirt?") but it just doesn't seem fair when we conduct these kinds of args over g-chat video or on the phone.  M makes me LOL when i've become to frustrated with him during an argument that i completely fizzle out.  at least my fire-cracker attitude does.

but back to the long-distance marriage, highlighting the fact that we're newlyweds.  if this was a faCeBooK status, i wish there were a "dislike" button with a thumbs-down picture i could keep pressing again and again.  it's bogus that we have to live this way, but i'm beginning to fight it less and work with it more.  the situation stinks more than i can pinch my nose, but we (or at least i) are beginning to deal with it.  it's just a shame that he's not the person i see when i enter the newly occupied unit in one of STL's most beautiful living areas.  the fact that our doggie CC isn't with me either, adds salt to the wound.  i'm lonely without my little family here.  granted, i AM busy with my responsibilities locally and nationally (let's not forget full-time graduate studies and leadership commitments), but it's just not fair (complain, complain, i know) that we are subjected to being a fragmented family.  we are going to try to see each other every 2 weeks (whether he comes here or i fly back to dC).  if anyone have any other suggestions on how we can keep ourselves (or me) on the upbeat about being in a long-distance marriage, i'm totally open to suggestions.  realistic ones, please.  

“They Got Married So Soon…Preggers?” Umm…Really??

Most of us consider ourselves realists, especially the ladies of our generation.  Well, yes:  We do watch those romance “chic flicks” in hopes that we can keep the dream alive of having the fairy tale courtship, falling in-love, and –lest we forget—the magical wedding.  We ladies grew spoon-fed on the make-believe stories of handsome princes and knights in shining armor to rescue us sleeping beauties and Cinderellas.  Then we grew up.  Started dating in our teens.  And in our twenties-or-so, we realized the awful truth of dating and falling in-love:  It’s not all that’s cracked-up to be.  Or true love didn’t exist like it did when our parents fell hopelessly into each other’s arms (30+ years ago) and promised each other “till death do us part.”  We began to understand why the divorce rates became closely apparent when are our high school besties and our college sorority sisters got married and watched their marriages fall apart in a matter of months, years, and sometimes days.  Sadly, all this and the current media reminded us how fallible our visions of fairy tale romances erred.  After college, we drifted into our professional careers and casual relationships with so-called open eyes, beginning to think that marriage was an open, not-so-sacred, financial and emotional arrangement:  you scratch my back while I scratch yours.  We started dating like it didn’t matter as much to lead into courtship as much as it mattered that we had a good time, had a good dinner, and spent time with a guy that we thought was “alright.”

I was one of those girls.  As I embarked on my career in DC and into the next stage of adulthood (post-college years), I remember having countless conversations with cousins, girlfriends, and colleagues of how pointless dating had become.  The “dating game” seemed like a bunch of ups-and-downs, with twisty bends, just like a rollercoaster.  We fell in pseudo-love and fell out of it just as quickly.  We would get flowers one night before dinner and a break-up call the next.  Some of us watched our friends get pregnant, realize that their S.O. (or significant other) was a cheat and didn’t want anything to do with the child.  We attended numerous weddings of family and friends, later realizing that things were painted to seem “magical,” once we saw the divorce papers issued just months after that supposedly special day.  In our twenties, we saw the rise and fall of what we thought were beautiful relationships and dismissed those who claimed they had found “the one.”  We went into our dating with armored hearts, vowing to each other that we would be untouched by this mystical thing called “love” and snag “the best that is still left out there.”  We became cynical and hardened in our dating relationships, while we still carried a torch (and a box of Kleenex) for the sappy love movies that we continued to torture ourselves with on cable TV or DVR.  Were we confused in our search for the right guy to date?  Most likely.  Did we think that the true devotion that our grandparents and parents talked about existed anymore?  We kinda hoped.  Would we be able to tell the difference between real and faux love?  Sadly, we rarely do.  Because of this, I present myself as the case for one who has made loads of accusations against the power of true and lasting happiness and in the end, the one who stands corrected in her thoughts and ways. 

I say all this because recently, I was blatantly asked that interestingly hilarious yet serious question:  Are you and MZ pregnant?  Some close friends at grad school alerted me of the false (the urine test tells you that) conceptions of other colleagues in their evaluations upon receiving news of my marriage, just months after my engagement.  The colleagues’ logical-so-they-thought-explanation of my “quick” wedding to the man I love, was that we had gotten pregnant and needed a shotgun wedding to cover-up our mistake.  My friends retorted to these unbelievers with the fact that I had fallen in-love with a man I had dated for 2 years and we knew it was right.  “Shotgun” or not, we wanted to get married sooner rather than later, my friends responded.  Upon receiving news of these questions from acquainted colleagues (I refuse to call them friends if they are not ballsy enough to ask me themselves) from my friends, I laughed.  Out loud.  What else could possibly be my reaction when MZ and I know the truth?  My initial thoughts were that my colleagues in school had thought I had gotten pregnant because I had gained a few pounds during the months preceding the wedding.  I think that hurt the most:  I had gained 5-8 pounds since my eating/exercise habits were not on par considering my hectic graduate school schedule and planning our wedding at a destination location.  Then when I was told of the real reason why these people asked the question of my fertility was because I had married “so quickly.”  Was I supposed to stay engaged until these naysayers thought it was the appropriate time to get married?  Maybe if I was twenty-something, I would’ve been grieved and so concerned about my approval ratings.  But I’m not a young co-ed who is naïve and cares too much about what people (especially those who do not know me at all) think:  I do what I want and NOW, what is best for my husband and I.  To clear the air on this matter:  I AM NOT FRACKIN’ PREGGERS.  Good.  Glad that’s out.  Not that I would be against it if we were right now; but it’s not now.  Not that I owe anyone an explanation either; but it just feels good to be absolutely clear.

The reason why I share this with the blogger world is this:  When have we, as young adults, become so brazen, so cynical, so hardened, that we cannot accept other people’s judgments of falling in-love on its own merit?  Why can’t we, as women, accept it as truth when our friends find “the one” and rejoice in their happiness?  Have we become so blinded by our own ideals, misconceptions, and lack of dating sincerity, to realize that people are allowed to experience their own “fairy tale” love stories and get married in their own timetable?  Who made us (yes, I say “us” because I was once one of those naysayers) the living authority to judge when or how people should fall in-love and to what degree their love genuine?  Have we been so infatuated with our own selves to not allow others the support and sincere well wishes that happy couples deserve from us, when they finally find their counterparts in this life?  Have we been overtly saturated in our own miserable dating habits to realize how hard-ass we’ve become, to question someone else’s reason for making a life-long, love-encompassed decision such as marriage?  Sad to see and experience firsthand, why yes:  our generation (or mostly, the generation after mine since most of my colleagues are at least 7 years younger than I) has become of such mindsets.

I love MZ.  I have loved him since we our first date on a warm, DC spring day.  He means more to me than anything in this world.  He is “my one,” that took me hundreds of pointless dates to find.  So does it really matter how long it took between our engagement and our wedding day?  Heck no.  To all those naysayers of lasting, vibrant, and true love:  read this and weep, because your day (of finding your “one”) will come.  It did for me. 

SendinG "ThanK yoU" cards is NOT Synonymous with GraTiTude

the wedding's done.  the gown & veils are put in their bags to the back of the closet.  the wedding cake's top tier is in the freezer.  the wedding gifts have accumulated.  now, we have thank-you or TY cards to do. lots of them.  
"thanks for the wonderful gift"..."thank-you for your generous gift"..."we appreciate the beautiful present."  thank you for this.  thanks for that.  after awhile, writing these words in various, unique ways for over a hundred wedding gift-givers, they all become the same:  the individual handwritten notes, the numerous boxes of thank-you cards, the numerous stamps bought.  then it becomes redundant, impersonal, and--let's be honest--a pain.  that's when we newlyweds forget an important basis of each thank-you card:  humble & genuine gratitude.
let me tell you how MZ & i kept it as our primary goal (being grateful), even more important than buying expensive stationery or getting those fancy-schansy "wedding stamps" from the post office.
weeks before our wedding day, we started receiving wedding gifts, shipped either to my home in sT. LouiS or MZ' flat in aleXandRia, vA.  most of the gifts were sent to me and so we opened them together via gChaT video.  during these months, we kept close tabs of who gave & what was given (brides:  take careful not of unique aspects of the gift to mention in your card).  we hand-wrote each of our TY cards on beautifully-embossed cards & sent them quickly after we received the gifts (another note:  timely TY cards are good).  we wanted to stay on top of our "gratitude notes" so that everyone who gave--whether they could attend the wedding or not--would know their kindness was noted & kindly received.  i realized how important this was after attending numerous bridal showers and weddings.  
i'm not a fan of the pre-made, preprinted TY cards that are out there.  i made an effort to look at registries, pick out gifts, pay for them, & ship or bring them to the wedding or shower.  i remembered how i felt when i got those pre-printed cards:  impersonal, unnoticed, & unappreciated.  what those pre-made typed cards said to me was  "thanks for giving the gift but i didn't have time to write that on a piece of paper addressing you or the gift."  but when the bride or groom took the time to write me something in their perfect cursive or chicken-scratch, it made me feel noticed.  that MY gift got their attention, irregardless if they liked it or not.  they were grateful.  and as a past wedding guest and shower attendee, that means a lot.
i understand, everyone's busy & things can get hairy especially before, during, & after the wedding is done.  i get it; but making time to simply write out a personal note--even if its barely legible--tells the gift-giver that you cared enough to do just that:  write their name and your gratitude.  you may not have said "thank you" a million times over in your card to them, but the receiver gets the point:  in your own words, you are grateful.  and how about those wedding couples who never bothered to send TY cards/notes?  don't get me started on what that construes:  carelessness, thoughtlessness, & definitely ingratitude for the gift.  it's happened to me before & trust me:  they shouldn't be expecting a baby shower gift.  my tolerance for "i'm-too-busy-to-say-thanks" mentality is very low & that goes for weddings as well.
bride & groom please note: "never underestimate the power of a hand-written note."

TWO anniversary dates...why not??!?

all because of a dating site IM, star treK movie, & a plane ticket to sT. louiS, i married my best friend, MZ...TWICE.  why, yes, i have two anniversaries.  nothing better than that, except having to remember more dates.  and we thought it was only a "guy thing."


the husband (MZ) & i met almost 2 years ago while we both lived in the waShingtoN, dC area.  nothing too dramatic at the beginning.  it was only suppose to be another one of those killing-me-slowly-kind-of-online-dating first dates.  it was memorial day weekend, a humid saturday night, and nothing to do.  wanted to see a movie but wasn't so sure if i wanted to go alone.  soooo, i had this online dating profile (won't tell you which dating site, becuz i'd need to get paid before that happens) and decided to see what was going on.  honestly, i was going to read some of the success stories of online dating, in hopes that osmosis would take place and i'd actually meet a great guy.  wasn't happening lately.  bummer.  until i got this IM from this guy (MZ) i had never communicated with on the online site.  we bantered with the typical small-talk that happens on dating sites ("how are you?" "what are you up to?" "can we e-mail each other?").  i wasn't too excited at first:  maybe it was the fact MZ was 2 years younger than me (i had preferred older guys) or that i was going to cancel my profile on the site or i had the holiday weekend off (i'm in healthcare and it's rare) and nothing to do.  all my previous dates from the site had ended-up with any of the following types of men:  desperate boys, womanizers, whiners, sex-addicts, or non-committers.  i was over it when MZ had IM'd me.  within 5 minutes, i gave him my number (side note:  never, ever do, ladies!) and we talked for another 15 on the phone.  in under an hour, we met at the movie theater to see "star trek" the movie.  not an ideal 1st date, but it worked.  


we dated for a year...then it ended.  abruptly.  i could tell you all the not-so-pleasant things that happened to cause it to end, but i won't.  it just wasn't pleasant.  then i moved away late last summer from the eastern seaboard and started graduate school in sainT LouiS.  i had begun seeing someone else during the summer in dC and continued the relationship long-distance when i moved to the miDwesT; but it got rocky soon after i moved.  it just wasn't going to work out.  it was going to end but i wasn't exactly sure how i was going to do it or how i was going to cope with another break-up: TWO failed relationships in 2010.  i was over getting hurt or being sad.  so i did the next best thing:  i ignored and avoided the impending future, so i stayed in the relationship.  call me pathetic, but i just wanted to make it to 1.1.11 without everyone who saw my love life as an epic failure in adult relationships.  i just wanted to survive the year out and then make the decision to end it later.


since MZ & i had such a bitter break-up, we had not communicated to each other for months.  he had no idea where i was at.  then sepTemBer rolled around and it was MZ' birthday.  so i sent him a two-liner email wishing him a happy birthday and happiness.  that was it.  MZ emailed & called back (couldn't believe he still had my number), but never got a hold of me till later that week.  a 3-hr phone conversation w/ MZ led to him buying a plane ticket to 'the Lou' (what we affectionately call sainT LouiS out here) to see me that weekend.  his goal was simple:  to win me back.  MZ hates flying with a passion.  if he could, he would've done the steamboat from the baLtimoRe harBor along the easT coasT, around fLorida, & up the miSSiSSippi RiveR to sT. LouiS if he could.  it's amazing he even came (on a plane), fully knowing that i was in a serious relationship with someone else.


again, that ocTobeR weekend was eye-opening.  MZ' visit showed what a hard-ass i can be sometimes:  i avoided every conversation that involved the former "us" and tried to keep it light and shallow.  a total "guy move" from me, but MZ meant business, so he brought it up during a time i couldn't avoid it. let's just say his persistence is admirable (boys, take note) and his sincerity was golden.  but i wasn't going to budge:  we were never going to get back together.  when i took him to the airport, MZ knew that there was no chance for us.  ever.  until the point i watched him disappear into the sea of people going through TSA checks, i realized my face was wet:  i was crying.  i didn't realize what those tears meant at the time.  but then i figured it out soon after.  in less than 2 weeks from that moment, i ended my relationship w/ PouTer (my ex- now).  took some time, but MZ & i got back together.


fast forward to now:  we got engaged during thankSgivinG weekend last year while visiting my folks out in CaLifoRnia and found my wedding dress the next day.  we went through our civil ceremony on my father's birthday in FeBruarY and we had our wedding ceremony on the first day of spring this year.  it's been a whirlwind, mind you.  but a beautiful tornado at least.


if you had asked me TWO years ago that i would be married (TWICE:  the civil then the church) now, i would've said you were smokin' crack.  i was satisfied being singleton and "serial dater" for awhile.  but now, almost 60 days into it, i've traded in my "miss" status to be a "missus."  this, my friends, is my journey into the beautiful unknown...and i'm loving it.